GODZILLA |
| Gojirah, or Godzilla as he is known in the west, has always been a bit
of an embarrassment to the rest of us Lizards. He likes to brag about how popular and
well-loved he is in Japan but the evidence in the west is far from conclusive. Let’s
face it, Godzilla films are what you watch after 14 pints of lager and a chicken vindaloo,
late on a Friday night on channel 4. If you hadn’t drunk 14 pints of lager there
wouldn’t be any conceivable reason for watching a Godzilla film. Ever since I heard
that Roland Emmerich was going to remake Godzilla my question has been – why? Now
I’ve seen the film and I still want my question answered – why make a new, very
expensive film about some has-been reptilian for whom we lost all respect many years ago?
We’ll probably never know. The plot, such as it is, finds Godzilla munching his way through Manhattan whilst Matthew Broderick, Jean Reno and assorted military types try to hunt him down and kill him. There are two types of military involved – the usual Americans and the French secret service (guess who). Broderick is pretty good and Reno is too, though he only seems to ever play variations on his Leon character these days. Broderick’s love interest, played by Maria Pitillo, (don’t ask me, never heard of her) is very very irritating and sets back the cause of women’s liberation by several decades. It’s noticeable in this film that the women are all idiots. Mind you, so are all the men. A couple of the military guys are quite well portrayed but in general the characterisation is abysmal throughout. The film, like many these days, is too long. The first half hour in particular is so dreadful that I really thought about leaving. But then it picks up, at least in terms of action. The effects are pretty good though not the best I’ve ever seen. Godzilla being pursued by choppers through the Manhattan skyscrapers works well though when you stop to think about it you can see that they really are models and not skyscrapers. Godzilla chasing various folks through Manhattan is also good, especially the final chase. But I have to concur with the chap I overheard talking to his mate in the Gents after the film – "I liked the bits with the little ‘uns in best." Yes, not content with one Godzilla, Emmerich also serves us up with several hundred freshly hatched Godzillaettes for our brave heroes to battle it out with. The egg scenes are pinched from the first Alien film, no question. (Godzilla’s head is surprisingly like the Alien head too.) The flashlights used in these scenes even simulate the strobe effects in Alien. The little Godzillas are basically Spielberg’s raptors but lots of them. Actually I think Emmerich does it better than Spielberg and the raptors, sorry small Godzillas, are the highlight of the film. As you might expect, Reno, Broderick and co walk unscathed through the raptors whilst minor French secret service types get eaten, even though they are not wearing red jerseys. The Guardian film critic (not Williams this time) devoted several columns to a review and gave it three stars. Contrast this with Deep Impact, which they gave one star and a single paragraph, and I think you can see fairly clearly why the Guardian should give up reviewing popular films. Three stars for Godzilla is probably about right but Deep Impact is Shakespeare in comparison. Contrast the well thought out storyline in terms of the news reporter in Deep Impact with the naff "reporter" here, Teabag Leoni with Pitillo, the solid script with this ragbag of one liners. There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark, I tell you. Anyway, it was nice to see uncle Godzilla back on form. Don’t bother turning up until the film has been running for 30 minutes, don’t expect too much but enjoy the effects and the mini-Godzillas. Oh, and I bet you 50p that you can guess what the very last scene in the film is before it ever arrives. PS Please resist drinking Pepsi, buying a Swatch watch or renting a video from Blockbuster on your way home from the cinema. This film has the most blatant product placements I have ever seen and they really intrude in several key scenes. |