Starting with Lizard’s first law of cinema, George Lucas should have cut out the first half hour of the film. Lizard’s second law should then have been applied i.e. line up the trailers and all responsible for them and shoot them because, as is normal today, there is bugger all else in the film worth seeing once you’ve seen the trailer. Next, Lucas needed to digitally remove the character Jar Jar Binks and all members of his race and about 80 per cent of the other animated characters. He should have left in the chariot race, the re-run of the end of Star Wars the original (really it is the same fucking ending) and scenes starring the queen, who is cute, and her costumes, which are the most interesting things in the film. He would then have a film lasting about forty minutes which would be really quite good aside from the fact that everyone acts like they have just been revived from the grave and have lost their immortal souls and apart from the fact that the average episode of Babylon 5 had better effects. In fact most of the designs are obviously poor imitations of B5.

I couldn’t help enjoying isolated bits of the film as I am only a small boy in a Lizard’s skin, as Warrior Mouse pointed out. But really it is an appalling load of crap that has not a single new idea. It is sanitised to the nth degree and Lucas should not have done this to us. It is a very big mistake. Let’s hope episodes 2 and 3 never get made as they will only further tarnish the reputation of the original trilogy.